i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
