If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
