Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
