Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
