just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
