It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
