Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize