The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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