So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
