I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
