so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
