Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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