i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Randomize
