Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
