he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
