There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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