Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
