So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
