and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
