so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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