Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
