kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
