Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's shark week go big or go home
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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