Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
