READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
