What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
