Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
