Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
