Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize