the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
