I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
