It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize