y did u give ur computer a hand job?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
