Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
