Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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