Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
