cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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