you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
