Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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