I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Your cock deserves a montage
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
