I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
