I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
True but thats because hes a fetus.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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