it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
party gras won. party gras always wins.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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