So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
