she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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