when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
