I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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