College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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