You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
