That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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