if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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