we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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