Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
COCAINE IS GR8
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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