I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
