I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
