Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
