am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
