So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
they're like a gay fantastic four
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
