I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
