my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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