I think I died a long time ago.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
