i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
one might say we're banned from that church
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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