When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
