girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
