i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
