If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
